Beyond Tired.

Broken last pair of shoes.

October 20, 2014

            Today was just one of those “I really miss home and the luxury of home” kind of p-days.  It was Brazilian labor day today which means that absolutely nothing was open.  We have several errands to run, but weren’t able to do anything – including buy groceries.  So I had popcorn and eggs for lunch because that is all that food that we have left.  Highlight of the day was when sweet Sister Burris conference called me and we talked for 1.2 an hour.  She wanted to know how the interview went (that she spent countless hours practicing with me for), and how my family is doing.  I just love her.  I feel so isolated from other missionaries in Santa Cruz, and sometimes I forget that with technology, my mission friends are really not that far away.  I am so very grateful that she called  - you just never know the effect that a simple gesture of love and concern can have on someone. It made all the difference for me to be able to speak freely with this friend that I love so dearly, and helped me remember that I am NOT alone in this trial.  I have many people praying for me and my family, including my skinny sweet American ex-companion, Sister B.

October 21, 2014

            Today was a great day. We didn’t get lost on our way to and from district meeting! I really love our district.  Our zone leaders are just hilarious and dedicated and hard working.  Elder Morais (the really adorable young Brazilian) is really good at working with sisters. He knows how to help us develop the faith and hope needed to keep going. Their phone calls really help to keep us going when things get tough. 

Awesome Zone

            Tonight we had a great night of following the Spirit. We taught L., who is really open and ready to listen to our message.  We found her by knocking doors.  Actually we walked by her house several times without ever knocking.  We were about to leave her street to go and knock on other doors, when we both felt that we should go back and knock on her door.  She welcomed us so warmly and invited us to come back.  Today when we sat down with her she explained how we had come into her life at exactly the right time.  Six years ago she lost her 14 year old daughter during a risky heart surgery, and recently she has been missing her.  Her 6 year old son is scheduled to have a simple surgery in December, but she is having a lot of anxiety and worries about the surgery.  Obviously it is due to the trauma that she went through with her daughter.  Because of her circumstances, she has been praying for comfort and direction…and that is when we knocked on her door.  She has had some contact with the Elders before and they invited her to come to church, but they never taught her for some reason.  Today we taught her about keeping the Sabbath day holy and the blessings that we can obtain by going to church.  We told her that she could gain great peace, comfort, and support by coming to church.  She committed to come with us on Sunday.

Sister J. broken down shoes

Sister Jamieson

 October 22, 2014

            I am on a division with Sister Alyssa Jamieson right now, she is very funny and quirky sister from southern Idaho.  She is the youngest of 9 children and has been out just one transfer less than I have.  She is a hard worker and has a bright, shining testimony.  It has been great to serve with her today.  Divisions are so fun when your sisters are good, hardworking, positive, obedient missionaries.  But, not-so-fun during shark week…argghhh! 

            We taught a Mom, her 3 kids, and her friend about the restoration.  Se spoke so SIMPLY, used simple examples, and easy to understand scriptures, and they did not understand any of it.  Anyways, we just challenged them to pray about what we taught and left feeling pretty crummy because it just wasn’t an effective lesson.  But as we reflected on it, we realized that the 19 year old daughter, though sitting in the corner away from the other people, had been attentive through the whole lesson and had even teared up during the first vision.  You just never know who is listening to you when you teach.

minha companheira tão linda!

Rio negro e solimoes (these are two rivers in Manaus -- one is really really dark and the other is really clear, and they don´t ever mix together-- we joke around that we are the rivers haha)

October 24, 2014

            Wow, I am tired!  We had a great day and worked really hard and man it was HOT…I mean HOT!!! Sana Cruz is the hottest area I’ve been in.  I think it gets up to 48 degrees C on a regular basis.  Last week it hit 115 degree F.  I am DYING!!! Thank heavens that I am in the home stretch and will not have to live through another entire summer here. 

            I really like my little brother’s daily miracle exercise that he is doing on his mission in Chile to help him stay positive about the challenges of being a new missionary.  My companion and I decided that we needed to give that a try too.  Our milagre today was Fabio.  We called him because it is very hard to visit him because he lives super far away.  We asked him how he liked church and then he asked us, “Uh Sister, I have a question.  What do I need to do to be baptized?  I would really liked to do that.”  Wow, we were speechless.  We have literally knocked on hundreds of doors these past few weeks and with very little success, then this amazing man just appears.  We are so grateful for the chance that we have to teach people like him. 

            I have been thinking that president was so inspired to send me to this area to “open” another area.  My mind has been so busy trying to problem-solve, find new people to teach, help train other sisters, etc.. that I don’t think or worry too much about Dad – just in my morning and evening prayers.

At least the dogs like us!

October 25, 2014

            I am so tired, and my body just aches.  Today wasn’t great. We helped clean the church, and had a great lunch appointment with a fantastic family, but other than that, every appointment fell through….and we got lost, again.   To top it off, our beloved Elder Moraes got emergency transferred to help another zone get straightened out.  But we love him…and he is so positive, spiritual, and cheerfully optimistic.  He has helped me to be more positive these past few weeks, and now he is GONE…it is true that we cried a little bit. So that made today a bummer.  At the end of the day we stopped by one of the bishopric members house and realized that they are going through some really tough times.  It made me realize that mission worries are nothing in comparison with the challenges that face us in real life.

October 26, 2014

            Well I am needing a good Mom, “you are in the home stretch, you are strong, you can do this!” pep talk.  We have focused on being positive all week, but if truth be told, things are not great.  My body is aching, my feet swell until my sandal straps hurt, we have ZERO progressing investigators, our lessons are falling through left and right, and I finally broke from my , “looking on the bright side of life perspective today to, I just don’t know yet what my purpose is here in Santa Cruz.” I don’t feel like I am helping anyone feel closer to Christ, and that leaves me feeling discourages and just plain unmotivated. Sometimes I feel like I have to have the energy to motivate two people, and I just don’t have that kind of energy.   My body longs for a rest, or at least a nice long Sunday afternoon nap.  I just hope  that I can hold up another 7 weeks. My companion is good, but we just don´t have that emotional connection that I feel with the American missionaries. I am getting so so so so tired. I wake up tired, I talk myself up enough to go out an knock doors in 100 degree weather, I work tired, I come home tired....I am just literally giving it all I´ve got, which is hard when you don´t see the payoff...but I know it´ll come....slowly. Man I am homesick.

Poor Elder Neu caught in PMS crossfire

October 13, 2014

          Sometimes (a lot of the time), being a missionary is just dang frustrating.  This mission in particular is incredibly disorganized and runs by the “fly by the seat of your pants” and “just wing it” mentality.  As a type A, goal oriented, carefully executed, plan-maker, this mentality drives me nuts! After spending last Friday morning carefully planning our week, including divisions, etc., the zone leaders called at 4 pm on P-day (when I don’t want to talk to anyone on the phone about missionary work or anything really), saying that we wouldn’t have district meeting at 2:00 the following day but instead would be giving a zone training at 8 am…45 minutes away.  There goes our morning workout, breakfast, and all of our studies.  I asked him what we were expected to prepare, and when we were supposed to prepare it, and why the heck the APs couldn’t have told us abut this sooner?  Out zone leader (who is actually excellent) said, “I don’t know, I just obey and then I understand.”  So being my naturally calm and blindly obedient self, called Elder Neu – AP, and asked him about the purpose of this meeting.  I must admit that I was quite frank with my comments and didn’t think about the effect of my words.  I told him that I thought that zone meeting twice a month was a great idea, but I expressed how it would be nice to know about it with more time to prepare.  He then got very quiet and expressed how hard he tries to get things organized and keep people on task.  The Brazilian organizational mindset is very different from our own.  After talking with him I had to conference call the Sisters in Angia to tell them about the training.  Then I got a call from S. Jameison telling me that they wouldn’t be able to do the division because her companion has new missionary training.  Then we were notified that there would be another leadership training meeting on Friday in Andaria which means leaving Thursday night and sleeping in Andaria so that we can make it to a morning meeting.  All of this equates to lots of careful planning down the drain….FRUSTRATING.

October 14. 2014

         Well, today was another highly frustrating day.  First we waited 1 hours at the bus stop, then finally our bus came.  We got to Itaguai quickly and actually had a great zone meeting. Our zone leaders are both great young missionaries with LOTS of energy and optimism.  They are helping me stay upbeat even with opening and area and getting really tired here at the end of my mission.  (side not: Elder Warner is in my zone and he is from my MTC group of missionaries and served one year in Idaho.  He has been here about 9 weeks.  So he is learning the language and is a very nice guy, but is unfortunately in a hard area.)

         The really frustrating part of the day was the bus ride back.  We got on a bus labeled “Santa Cruz”  but when we got to the end of the line, we didn’t recognize any of our surroundings so we ended up making the loop back to Itaguai where we started from.  At that point we thought “okay, cool, we will just bop back to Santa Cruz again.”  WRONG.  By the time that we realized we weren’t headed in the right direction, it was way too late.  We were riding through dirt road surrounded by jungle, jungle, jungle.  We didn’t DARE get off the bus.  But, after asking and confirming that this bus would in fact go back to Santa Cruz, we waited it out.  Only 45 minutes later everyone had already gotten off, we really were in the MIDDLE OF NOWHERE.  Then the bus driver kicked us off (he was the meanest Brazilian I have ever met.)  Up side, a bus would come and pick us up in 30 minutes.  Down side – the only place to wait was a filthy, dark , smelly bar without a single woman in site and of course there was no cell phone service.  We sat down on the curb trying not to worry or cry, I sang a hymn (cause that’s what missionaries do), and THEN some teenaged boys came up and started to harass us.  I could have snapped at them, but instead I turned it into a teaching opportunity and ended up having a positive interaction.  We ended up leaving a Book of Mormon with one of them.  Anyways, we survived and we finally got on our bus which indeed took us to Santa Cruz where we had to pay another VW bus to take us to our house.  To top it off the cushion-less seats were so hot that I burned my leg and on the way out of the bus my dress snagged. This lovely 4 hours adventure should have taken only 30 minutes.  We didn’t end up eating our lunch until 5:30 pm.  It is in moments and experiences like these that I count the days until I am home.  I can’t even begin to express how excited I am to drive myself from point A to point B. 

October 17, 2014

         Today was quite possible one of the best, most inspiring meeting that I have ever has on my mission.  Presidente invited all the leaders to come and he, Sister Cabral, and their dear friends from Fortaleza gave GREAT motivational training.  Presidente Edilson is the stake president in Fortaleza and his story is amazing.  He was born into extreme poverty but was introduced to the gospel fairly early.  He decided to serve a mission, but he didn’t even have clothes to wear.  He served a great mission, and returned with on the clothes on his back.  When he got home, president Cabral was his new stake president.  President Cabral helped him make goals, and a year later he married in the temple and had a secure job.  Now, after a lot of work, they are very well off and still very humble people.  His message to us was all about motivation and was wonderful.  I think that every missionary left feeling a little taller and more competent to take on the world (or at least our small corner of the world.)

         I was quite emotional today, and Presidente chose me to be the final testimony…as I cried and testified (yup, I am a crier now) , the Spirit was so strong and it seemed like I was testifying to myself rather than to the other people.  As much as I worry about my dad, and as little that we know about if this treatment will work out, I just felt God’s individual, paternal love and concern for me and my trials in that very moment.  I love my mission.  I love President and Sister Cabral who make a point to let me know that they are praying every night for me and for my family.  They are wonderful.  I am where I need to be – at least for 8 ½ more weeks.

October 18, 2014

         Well today was a long day.  We have awesome members here that are super willing to help us out, but just about every single plan that we made fell through.  I am foot sore and just plain wiped out.  Time to get to bed early so my interview will go well tomorrow!  I am very nervous.  I really hope that we get there safely an that the technology is working correctly and everything! 

I wasn't to thrilled to learn that I had to wear this headset for my interview, but it worked out fine.

Happy on the bus platform.

October 19. 2014

         The interview went splendidly, though I struggled a bit with English.  My interviewer was an incredibly nice Mexican man who has been at Loma Linda for over 25 years.  We spent most of the time conversing about faith, mission, cultural experiences, and everything.  It felt very natural and it was actually very spiritually uplifting.  I think I would really like to attend LLU.  He seemed to really like me, and at the end of the interview he said, “I will do everything I can to have you be a part of Loma Linda community next summer!”  So…I think that’s as good as it can get.  The hard part about today was making my companion suffer through SEVEN hours of traveling in one day, shooting our entire work day. 

She's falling apart...

As close as I will ever come to Copacabana.

October 6, 2014

         Well, I got transferred!  I am now in Santa Cruz opening an area with Sister Viera.  She is a tiny little beautiful missionary from the Amazon area. She’s been out a little over a year, and is a very good missionary.  I feel grateful to finish my mission with her.  Also, I am so excited to open this area, because unlike Rio das Ostras and Barra da Tijuca, this was a sister’s area before….not just any sisters, but some of the very best, cleanest, nicest, and hardworking sister missionaries this mission has ever had. Sister Almeida just finished her mission, and Sister Kreling is headed to open a new area.  They have done excellent work here, and all of the members are really excited and involved in missionary work! It is such a nice change to be in an area where good work has been done and where you don’t have to scrub Elder’s messes off the floor. This area reminds me a lot of my first area, Santa Margarida – very poor, very humble, very good people. I don’t think that I realized how different the Barra mentality was until I started talking with these people.  They are so warm and kind and wonderful.

         One thing that is not wonderful are the lan house (internet cafes).  Imagine5 ancient windows monitors hooked up to a dinosaur-speed internet, broken keyboards, a mouse that doubles or triple clicks when you only want to click once, and literally a dust covered printer that shatters all dreams of printing off your parent’s letters.  Oh, and the computers don’t even have Microsoft Word.  Thank heavens that the grad school applications are done already!  Needless to say, I was VERY frustrated during email time today.

         What else?  Well, President Cabral literally moves the whole mission around with every transfer.  I am still STL, Elder Molina took Elder Maciel’s place as AP, and Elder Mountain is my new DL. 

October 7, 2014

         Man, opening an area is hard work!  The sisters left this area in really good condition but it is still very challenging because we don’t know where anything is!  Our area is massive and it seems as though I go from a big area, to a huge area, to a massive area.  The sisters told me that they have a good teaching group class to the church, but most of our members live far away.  We had a district meeting in Itaguai today –we have a really good, small district.  Elder Mountain (DL), Elder L. Quiezada (a greenie from Chile), Elder Trujillo (ZL from Bolivia who has only been out 4 months!), and Elder Morais (ZL from Brazil who has only been out for 9 months), and us two sisters. EM prepared a really good training and everything was well organized.  It has been a while since I have had a good DL. Other than the meeting, we spent the whole day waiting for vans and busses, or nearly getting killed by crazy bus drivers.

Views of our new apartment.

 October 8, 2014

         I haven’t been so tired in a long long time.  Man, I am completely wiped out.  It turns out that the sisters really didn’t have that ig of a teaching group, and we visited some people they left in the area book and they want nothing to do with us.  We walked and worked all stinkin day long. We taught a TON, but also had a lot of rejection and doors shut on us.  It’s been a long time since I ‘ve felt so much rejection in such a condensed amount of time. On the up side, I am lovin my little companion.  She is a spitfire!  We’ve had some good laughs already. Also, we found a nice man who has a lot of potential.  Yeah, one person was nice to us today!

         Well, I am smelly, and my achy feet are swollen.  Ants are biting my feet as I write.  But, I am grateful to be here, and I am grateful for my new companion. 

 October 9, 2014

         Wow, I am tired and achy again tonight! We didn’t have a single sit-down lesson today.  I was so tired that we went to a member’s house and stayed there for longer than we should have….but I couldn’t help it.  I am so foot sore.  Sister V is used to walking and being on her feet all day, but I am coming from 4 months of really not walking that much.  In my opinion, if you are walking all day, there is something wrong with your planning.  Unfortunately, when you are opening an area, you don’t really know how to make effective plans.  But we are learning. My body will really be ready to come home in 10 weeks time.

         Between yesterday and today we taught 11 lessons, but none of those lesson want us to come back.  People in Santa Cruz are in a much lower socioeconomic class that in Barra and even Rio das Ostras. As a result, the ways that we are being rejected are very rude and uneducated.  We had one last just plain slam the door on us yesterday, and today another lady ranted on and on about what we believe (which of course had nothing to do with what we believe.)  We even had a pastor try to Bible bash with us.  We’re getting really good about just smiling and being nice, even with the rudest people.

         Positive note: our zone and district leadership is really strong.  Our ZLs are young and full of energy and enthusiasm.  They are helping us remain positive about the situation.

October 10, 2014

         Today was a little bit better than yesterday.  I am feeling les physically wiped and we were able to fins some new investigators.  I was marveling at our church’s missionary efforts today.  Even though sister V and I are new companions, we are well prepared and trained to have the same vision and goals which makes working together simple. Even though we are very different, we are united in our missionary purpose.  I am liking working with Sister V.  She is feisty and funny, and she is a good teacher.

          Another thing that I noticed today is that I get tired, sore, achy, and crooked easier now than I did in the beginning of my mission.  My toenails are nasty, my face is all broken out, my posture is terrible, my back cracks every time I bend over, and my feet constantly ache. I think that I even have a few cavities in my teeth. Missions are hard on us physically and mentally – especially in developing countries.  I now understand why they medical screening is so extensive before you come on a mission.  We have to be in good condition. Imagine how it would be for someone in bad shape came here?  Those who start out in good shape are completely broken by the end. 

         Since I am on a rant…I am frustrated by the lack of technology.  We have no GPS, no smart phone, no internet, nothing.  We have a paper map taped to the wall.  We have no texting, emailing, facebooking, etc. We have 99 minutes per month, and the other sisters left us with 0 minutes.  We have an old cell phone that drops calls 75% of the time.  The rest of the world is so easily connected and we are so very disconnected. 

         Last but not least, it is SCORCHING here, and it is going to get hotter!

October 11, 2014

         Well, today was a great day! We worked hard, worked smart, and we were able to teach some good lessons. One of the recent converts and his wife took us on their referral, and after that they drove us around and showed us some important parts of Santa Cruz (like Cesarao, which is a big time favela where we can’t were red – rival color).  They were just so nice and we felt a lot happier after working with them.  Members make a huge difference in our work.

         Weird/funny/kind-of sad story:  We went to visit another recent convert who is inactive.  She is a tiny, grumpy, crazy old lady who quite obviously has problems remembering things. She complained about her aches and pains, told us that all churches are true, and then on the way out the door she asked us if we were from the Catholic church.

October 12, 2014

         Our ward is fantastic!!!  I m in a ward where everyone does their calling, serves and works hard, are united, and genuinely love each other and the gospel.  Also, one of our new investigators came to church today.  He is legally married, has 3 older children, and was referred by a friend who is a member.  He has already started reading the Book of Mormon and wants to set up regular teaching appointments.  He works and goes to school so the only time he has for lessons is on Saturday and Sunday.  I am so impressed with his desire to learn.

Transfers and other Lessons I wish to learn before I die

October 2, 2014

Life lessons of the day: swallow your pride, take the blame, be quick to repent and quick to forgive.

Today was just one of those days.  We had to give a zone training at 8 am today. The elders put

Our Zone

us first, so we literally has no time to pan what we should say.  It was frustrating, and so pointless since 8 am training is just not a great time to train missionaries.  When you take away a missionaries personal study time and companionship study time it affects everything that you do – teaching, focus, insight, and coordination.  Anyways, after the ineffectual training we headed out to lunch at S. which is a one hour bus ride away.  On the way we got a text from another member asking us if we were coming to lunch….uhhh??? Well, we at there last Thursday and failed to explain that it was on a once a month thing.  So then she got sad and guilt tripped us by saying how she had canceled visiting her son in prison and how she had been cooking all morning. We felt pretty terrible, and as senior I always take the phone calls…so I took the blame and felt horrible that this sister had sacrificed so much for nothing.  THEN we got to lunch and found out that a third sister had also been expecting us for lunch…what???  We only had one number and one name on our calendar.  The day just got progressively worse from there.  I had a very less-than-shining moment when my feistiness and hard-headedness and go-getter mindset got the worst of me.  I said some things to someone I care a lot about, that while true and needing to be expressed, should not have been expressed in such a blunt and disrespectful way.  I ended up really offending this person.  Sister Burris helped me to calm down and then make amends with this person.  I had to take all the blame for the situation, but I am slowly learning that this is what you do when you want to preserve a relationship – you just take the blame, try to repent, and try to forgive.  Hopefully I will get this lesson learned before I die…I am a dang slow learner.

     





Sadly for me, I was transferred to an new area.  I left behind my sweet, kind Sister Burris who will be a Sister Training Leader with Sister Tingey.  They will be amazing and do wonderful things!!.  They will get to see our sweet 13 year old investigator H. get baptized this week.  

My beautiful companion, Sister Burris. I will never forget her.

Froyo helps the blues of transfers.

HARD GOODBYES!

     I got transfered to Santa Cruz, which is not too far away from my first area in Santa Margarida. I am with Sister Viera. She is a beautiful little missionary from Manaus (aka the AMAZON!) I´ve known her for a while and she´s pretty fun. We are in the best ward ever--the members are amazing and have already helped us a ton (including picking us up from Botafogo and loading us up in a car and driving for 3 hours so we didn´t have to wrestle with suitcases on the bus/train!) It is a very very humble area (we are literally in the WORST internet café right now)......but the people  are wonderful and we are excited to work. I am still senior, and still sister training leader.  I don't have much time to write, but know that I love you, that I am well, and that I am really excited to take on my new area. There are wonderful, kind, humble Brazilians taking care of me around every corner!

      Before getting transferred, we got to watch General Conference was amazing.  I was surprised and blessed to have two of my favorite families come to surprise me.  

Carlos and Rosangela came to surprise me at conference this weekend! THE BEST

Alexandre and Franciele, a family I helped in Jacarepaguá are doing amazingly well and came to general conference in Freguesia!

English conference room!!!

My favorite picture of the conference

General Conference countdown!!