A FEW MORE STEPS

Melting

November 17, 2014 – 16,876 steps, 5.32 miles

Today was actually a very frustrating p-day, I am so excited for the day when I will not have to walk for miles in scorching heat just to use the internet.  Just 4 weeks….!  Other than the Internet, today was chill.  We got to sleep a bit and get rested up for the week.

         We visited L. and her little kids today.  She was sure happy that we weren’t getting transferred.  She re-committed to come to church this Sunday.  We’ll see.  Her kids are so cute, but they are very disruptive during lessons.  I am learning a lot more patience.

        We also taught my favorite little older man, J. I just have this feeling that he is the reason why I am here, and the reason why I stayed to finish my mission. I feel like it is his time, and we are the companionship that the Lord is using to help him make some progress.  I feel an immense amount of love for this man.  Tonight we got a glimpse of a little bit of progress.  He has had contact with the church for 30 years and has a testimony

November 19, 2014 – 16, 287 steps, 5.13 miles

         Wow, I am so tired and hot! Thankfully it usually cools down at night so from 6-9 pm we don’t’ suffer as much.  Today was a great day where I know that I gave it my all and tried my best to help people. We spent a lot of time on our feet although we did not walk around that much.  We knocked on 17 doors an only found 1 new person to teach.  But we do have a very diverse group of new investigators, which makes lessons interesting.

         I have been reflecting a lot about missionary life and non-missionary life.  I don’t know if there will ever be another time in my life when I and yelled at, chewed out, schooled, belittled, demeaned, humbled, as I have been on my mission.  It is a very frustrating experience.  I have learned to take some things with a grain of salt and not let bother me.  One of those things is the belief that there is a formula that if followed perfectly, will result in baptisms.   I call it the “Magic Baptism Formula Myth”.  Anyway, the myth is alive and well here in Rio.  We have a very new district leader here who has only been out for 4 months.  He is from Chile and has never experienced the summertime in Rio.  Anyway he is all gung ho to have a special district fast to help our investigators come to church.  South Americans must just have a LOT more faith that I do….but here we go again, fasting in temps over 100 degrees. Pray for cool weather for us so we can survive. 

November 20, 2014

         Man, I am tired.  We worked well today, but had a very sad and frustrating lesson with a recently baptized elderly couple.  The husband has decided to go back to his former church because he feels that, “all churches are the same.”  I was really impressed by Sister Viera and her patience.  She helped him to understand more about the restoration and the organization of the church.  He still didn’t get it.  It killed me when after a careful, thoughtful, question filled explanation; he still said that the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints is the same as the Assembleia.  I must admit that I was very direct in my declaration and di not mince words as I testified that the LDS Church is in fact very different from other churches because we have a living prophet, apostles, revelation, the Book of Mormon, priesthood authority, temples, and the fullness of the gospel of Jesus Christ.   These things do not exist in any other church.  It is my purpose to teach and defend these truths with courage and compassion.

         In other news, it’s blisteringly hot.  I am covered in bug bites.  My body aches all the time.  I am so thankful that the Lord helps me get out of bed and get to work every day because I sure couldn’t do this mission on my own.

PMS + fasting + HEAT = dead companion

November 21, 2014 – 12,111 steps, 3.81 miles

         Today was so hot.  The thermometer read 98.6 but the heat index was 105.8.  That is really hot!  We had our weekly planning and then lunch at home and after eating, I tried to lie on my bed for a rest but it was too hot.  I resigned myself to sprawl belly down on the dirty tile floor with a fan blowing on me.  We ended up resting for a good 30 minutes like that.

         Luckily, the Lord really blessed us with many good sit down lessons today.  The ones that stand out were the lesson with our part member older couple and our lesson with a very well educated 50ish year old woman. The lesson with J. was great.  I love that old man.  His progress in really slow, but he is progressing.  Tonight he told us that he feels closer to the Lord and he told us to NOT GIVE UP on him!  I am pretty sure he has no idea how stubborn and persistent I am.   

Fernando, Rosemary and Juca´s grandson

We found the woman we are teaching by knocking on her door because we thought it looked pretty.  Today was our second visit and she welcomed us warmly, gave us juice, and proceeded to detail what she has read in the pamphlet that we left her to read.  She said that it strengthened her faith in life after death.  She warmly and happily accepted The Book of Mormon and seems genuinely interested in learning more. The whole lesson was effortless and spirit-filled. It makes such a difference when people want to learn and when they actually understand the principles that we are teaching them.

November 22, 2014 – 10,206 steps, 3.21 miles

         I tried on the new dress that my mom sent me for Christmas and it is cute, fits perfectly, and is very flattering…but dang it, it is too short for the missionary 2 inches below the knee.  I was so so so sad…I might have cried a little bit. I will just save it and wear it when I get home.

         Guess what…our fast worked!  Usually we don’t have any investigators or less actives that we are working with come to church, but this week was very different.  My favorite old man came and the talks were exactly what he needed to hear.  L. and her little kids came but had to leave early.  Taking little kids to church is hard!  Many less active members came to church including R. who is a really gentle-hearted young man.  Lots of people from the ward tried to help him to come to church but he never came.  We taught him a spiritual lesson on the sacrament this week and then we felt impressed to call him this morning to remind him about church…and he came!  He stayed all three hours and that was the best part about church today.  I think that today was the first fulfilling day at church that I have had in a long time.  

THE COUNT DOWN:

What happens to balloons in this heat!

Mission Conference

November 10, 2014

         We spent all of p-day running around doing errands, and then had to travel to Andarai to sleep and get up early for mission counsel on Tuesday. Normally, going to Andarai is not a very complicated process, but our train didn’t stop in Sao Cristovao, so we had to go all the way to Central (already adding 20 minutes to our trip), then ride a metro (the wrong one and had to backtrack), then walk for 30 minutes only to find out that the pout was out in the Sister’s house, the shower is broken, AND on of the sisters was packing her bags to leave her mission 6 months early.  It was an interesting night.  Neither Sister V. or I slept well and poor Sister Brown now has to spend her last week in a trio.

November 11, 2014

The lovely Sister Brown who will go home at the end of this transfer so that she can go back to school in January!

         Mission counsel day – We arrived at 8 A.M. just on time, but President arrived around 9:30 and we started the meetings at 10:00.  His 10-15 minute introduction turned into a nearly 2 ½  HOUR (very loud) lecture on how our vision and faith are skewed.  I understand his urgency and his passion to try to teach us what is right, but he has a very LOUD way of showing it.  There were a few notable things – we now have 4 assistants to the president, our Christmas conference is going to be on December 10^th, and the whole mission is going to be there!  That will be great for me because I will leave one week after that!  Other than that, it was 6-7 hours of screaming, lecturing, burning, making people cry, etc.  The conference didn’t let out until 8 P.M., which meant that we didn’t get home until 11:30.  My back and butt just ache after mission counsel. 

Me and my tiny companion, Sister Viera. (clothes swap)

The marvelous Sister Burris

         I think that my favorite part of the counsel is being able to have lunch with everyone. It is so good to just relax a little and catch up with mission friends.  Sister Burris says that Barra is being incredibly blessed by the little seeds that we planted together.  It makes me so happy to see that area doing well. My other favorite part is when Presidente greeted me personally as I was playing prelude music.  He always asks me how I am doing and how my family is doing.  He expresses his love and appreciation for me.  It is a small gesture that means a lot and he does it at every training meeting.  Although he has a different way of teaching over the pulpit, he has a heart of gold and is genuinely concerned about our well-being.

November 13, 2014

         Holy smokes it has been a crazy busy week!  I haven’t even had time to journal all week.  Today was interview day with President and we were supposed to be in Itaguai (1-1 ½ hours away) by 8 A.M. but guess what happened.  Our cell phones were left on silent and the alarm didn’t go off, meaning that we slept in unto 7:55!  I have never gotten ready and out the door so fast in my whole life. We miraculously got there by 9, but Presidente had already started.  NOT my best moment.   Presidente was his normal passionate, yelling, calling to repentance, intimidating self.  He chewed out many of us about how seriously we are taking our calling.  At first I was shocked because he made several people cry and feel terrible.  But then I realize that I wasn’t crying and I didn’t feel terrible.  I am just trying my best, being obedient, and I know that this mission president was called to this area for a reason.  He needs to get the lazy members and missionaries going and get them ready for the temple.   

         My interview was wonderful.  Presidente was warm and very kind to me.  Me asked me, “Sister Colvin, was your mission worth it?”  I looked him right in the eye and replied, “100% President, I love my mission.  I love this reflective final phase of my mission – as hard as it is to keep going.  It is so worth it.”

         To top off the day, I got my final Christmas package from Mom, and 2 letters – one from Dad and one from Garrison.

November 14, 2014

20,417 steps today, 5.71 miles – and today was only a half-day of walking because it was weekly planning. Mom sent me a pedometer and it is actually fun to have.

         Today was a good, fulfilling day. Even though people aren’t’ coming to church or accepting the invitation to be baptized, I see that their faith is slowly growing.  We taught a cute couple tonight that I found by stopping on the street a few weeks ago.  At the end, the father thanked us for “increasing his faith”. We also taught L. and her little kids. This time we strategically brought a coloring page for the three year old and I distracted her while Sister V. focused on teaching.  It worked!  We got in a good lesson on the Book of Mormon. 

         Not too much else to write.  I am happy and working well, feeling positive, striving to follow the spirit, and learning to love the people.  I feel completely at peace about my mission and the effort that I have put forth.  I pray that I can continue like this and finish my mission with honor and without regrets.  I am getting TRUNKY though… I just can’t wait to be with my family again.

November 15, 2014

         21,024 steps, 6.62 miles. Today was delightfully cool and breezy with good cloud coverage.  The only downside was that I was super sleepy all day long.  I think that I actually fell asleep while Sister V was sharing her lunch message.  My spirit is happy to keep working, but my body is just about done.

         We have been working with an older man who is married to an active member of the church.  He is a wonderful, genuinely kind man, but he has a smoking problem that has kept him from being baptized.  He has a testimony and has been taught all the discussions many times over the past 30 years.  For some reason we feel a sense of urgency to work with his great man with increased intensity.

November 16, 2014

         15, 911 steps, 5.01 miles.  Today was a good, fulfilling day of working with members and really feeling like we are helping people.  We fasted yesterday and today for the drought in Sao Paulo, and I feel like it really helped me focus and receive guidance on how to work more effectively in Santa Cruz.  We organized a wonderful FHE with a family that we are reactivating and the Spirit was strong as everyone testified of Christ after we watched the Mormon message: “Because of Him”  

         In other news: we are staying together in Santa Cruz.  It is a huge relief to me to not have to move again and deal with the whole adjustment to a new companion phase. Pray for us to have the energy and diligence we need these last few weeks of my mission.    

NOT gonna miss these guys!

Our ward mission leader opening his mission call to Fortaleza East

  

A GIANT man in our ward, Andrei. who is the 2nd counselor that picked us up last transfer and drove us all the way to Santa Cruz.

With a great family in our ward!

        

Why I love and NEED p-days

November 3, 2014

         Today was a divinely wonderful p-day!  We found a good Lan House and the internet was gloriously fast!  I was able to write my weekly letter to the President, put in our numbers, email a TON of photos, download and watch all of the videos that mom sent, and even chat with Mom a bit, AND still have time to read and respond to most of my emails.  It was glorious, and it gave me hope for my technology filled life after the mission.  You realize on a mission how much you miss having a fast and gratifying connection with those you love.  I was reflecting on what makes p-day so wonderful and I figured out that it is the fact that no matter how whipped you are on Sunday night, you always feel lighter and happier by 6 pm. Monday because:

1.   We are not walking all day long

2.   We don’t have to listen to other people’s problems or try to give advice

3.   EMAILS!!!! (the highlight of any missionaries week!)

4.   We can stay inside and do not have to wear skirts/dress shoes/side bags/etc.

5.   We can eat what we want, as much or as little as we want.

My Spokane family and Dr. Kaya's medical team. 

That’s about it actually. It made me so happy to watch Dad’s videos of his transplant process.  I thought that it would be too hard or too distracting for me to see, but it actually brought me a lot of peace to see and hear Dad.  I know that he is in good hands. Dr. Kaya sure does seem like a nice man and I am looking forward to meeting him so that I can thank him in person for taking such good care of my Dad.

My Dad, getting his stem cell transplant!

         I feel like I bounced back to myself today.  Maybe it was the stress about Dad’s transplant, or the heat, or the sheer physical exhaustion, but I faded pretty hard last week.  It was some of the first and only times in my mission where I have slacked off.  I LOVED Mom’s wake up call/analogy about finishing the jump course.  I have had a very “clean round” so far on my mission, and I can’t stop “riding my course” now, before my last jump. 

         We had a good night of finding people to teach.  We found two ne investigators, both of whom we found by knocking on doors.  It has also been helpful to go through the area book to find ex-investigators. 

Below are pictures of the beautiful scenery on my many bus rides:

November 4, 2014 (written on Nov. 5)

         It was a transportation disaster today.  I literally rode on 10 buses today…TEN!  We had a district meeting in the morning (5 busses), then we went back to our area for lunch (1 bus), then to Itaguai, and Jararaci, and Angra (2 buses), then back to Itaguai (2 buses).  By the time that we got back to Itaguai it would be 10 p.m.  We feel completely unprotected in these buses that late at night so I decided it would be smarter and safer to have a member come and pick us up.  I called my bishop around 9:30 while still on a bus and asked if he could help us.  He didn’t show up until 11:30 because of last minute bishop problems.  We got home after midnight!  Ahhhhh…this has never happened to me before and of course it would happen during divisions.  But you know, I am just so grateful to our wonderful bishop and his wife for coming and saving our tails.  They are good, humble, Christ-like people.

         Division with Sister Gonzales was amazing.  I am in awe by her great spirit and confidence.  She is from Chile and honestly is one of the sweetest, spirit-filled sisters that I have done divisions will.  She is positive, personable, pleasant, and persistent --- all of the attributes that I feel I have been lacking in the past few weeks.  I really hope that these sisters can learn something from me, because I feel like I am always the one being taught and helped.

November5, 2014 

         Today we has a few miracles happen.  We stopped by an ex-investigators and they welcomed us warmly into their home.  We taught the gospel of Jesus Christ and involved their kids.  It was a spirit guided lesson and they all accepted the baptismal invitation and they said that they would go to church on Sunday (hopefully…) They aren’t legally married, but we can help them to figure that out.

         Other than that, we walked or rather, stayed on our feet a long time today.  It really wiped us out, especially running on less sleep.  But on the up side, we’re going to sleep really well tonight.  (….Except we didn’t because there was a soccer game and EVERYONE was setting off fireworks until midnight.)

November 6, 2014

         Wow, I am tired, but today is a good tired.  We worked hard and tried our best to follow the Spirit.  As a result, we had several cool experiences.

#1: We were looking for a house and walked up and down this very long street 3 times.  No one knew were this member was.  Then I just got this strong feeling to cross the street and talk with two little old ladies.  Well, whaddoyaknow, we saw the teeny tiny number plate for the address that we were looking for.  Unfortunately, the member doesn’t live there anymore, but his mom gave us his new address.

#2: I felt prompted to knock on a specific door and we found a young man who is looking for answers to questions like – is there life after death.  He even said that it doesn’t make sense that  we would die and not recognize our family members as special significant people.  He invited us back tomorrow to teach him with the rest of his family.

#3: We taught a member’s non-member husband for the first time today.  He has been through about 10 sets of missionaries over the past 27 years.  He is a wonderful person, and he supports his wife in all aspects of church responsibility, but he has a few bad habits hat he is not willing to give up.  He has a testimony of the church and says, “before I die, I will be baptized.”  Only, he is getting older now.  We had a great lesson, probably the best lesson here in Santa Cruz.  We taught from Alma 34:32-35 about how now is the time to repent, and we cannot wait or put off our repentance. At the end of the lesson he told us he would pray and work on what we challenged him to do.  I felt a great love and sense of urgency for this man.

November 7, 2014

         Well, today was one of those days on a mission where you walk and work and no one really wants to listen to you.  All but one of our appointments fell through, but we did have a few good experiences.

#1: We taught L. and her two little kids who are 5 and 3.  It is hard to concentrate because the kids are really busy, but we helped both of them say a prayer and they were so cute.  The little one really likes me and always gives me a big hug that just melts my heart. We get rejected so much that it is a big blessing to feel the pure and innocent love of a child.

#2: We had lunch with a member who recently moved here from Itaguai.  The sisters had never gone to his home to visit him before.  When we got close to the address that he gave us, we realized that he lived in a favela that is off limits to sisters because it is dangerous.  We didn’t know what to do, but he came out of his house and walked with us to his mom’s house.  I have honestly never been treated with so much love and care in my whole mission.  Their house was tiny, dirty, and filled with flies, but the Spirit was strong and their love for the missionaries filled the whole room.  They waited on us hand and foot in such a sincere and kind way.  I just about teared up as I thanked them for lunch, knowing that it was probably a big sacrifice for them to put food on the table.  Now I have to figure out how to kindly explain to them that we can’t have lunch there because it is too dangerous for the sisters.

"Service" Project

November 8, 2014

         Today was a really crappy day.  It started off with a 2-hour bus ride to a “service project”.  Keep in mind that we RARELY have or are allowed to participate in service projects in my mission.  This “service” was really us sitting at a table and handing out fliers…pretty useless.  Then after that wasted time, every one of our appointments fell through. Even our members called us at the last minute, “oh, sorry sisters, it’s not going to work for me today.”  It is just oh so discouraging and disheartening.  People do not keep their word here, and that makes missionary work pretty darn hard.  I am really at a low point in my mission.  I just want so badly to be able to help someone.

         PS. Elder Mountain is a good listener.  I just expressed my frustrations and he just listened to me.

Elder Mountain, from my MTC district, and his comp.

November 9, 2014

Endless knocking in the rain

         We had a terrible start to our day.  We called our investigators that told us they were going to church…no one answered.  THEN, we went and knocked on their doors for 20 minutes…nothing.  THEN, we went to L. house and she made up and excuse of how it was raining and she couldn’t take her kids out in the rain.  Yes, it is 80 degrees and drizzles every day this time of year.  So once again, 0 investigators at church, 0 progressing.  On top of that, all of our appointments fell through including our lunch.  We were pretty discouraged until one of the sisters in the ward invited us over and we ended up visiting with 3 of her friends. It was a great end to a very hard and discouraging week.

One of the better listeners on my mission.

Comic Relief

The heat is melting my mind and will

October 27, 2014

Our sketchy Lan house.

         P-day was productive but very tiring.  We had bills to pay, Sister V needed new shoes (which are nearly impossible to find, good ones that is), she also needed a new memory card, and I needed to go to the post office.  In Freguesia, where I used to live with Sister Burris, we could have gotten all these tasks done in 1-2 hours, tops.  Today, it took so long because we had to walk most of the way – not really what I wanted to do on our day off.  We ended up getting everything done in about 3 hours.  Emailing was a huge relief to me today.  It was so good to hear that Dad’s stem cell transplant is finally in the works.  I am worried about the transplant recovery process, but I know that with prayer and fasting we will find comfort in this process.  It is just great that Dad is finally able to move forward with his treatment.

Sister Vieira making endless phone calls to people who NEVER answer the phone.

         Side note: When you are with a Brazilian companion you are a lot more stressed about money/finances because they are ALWAYS stressed and short on money.  I am pretty frugal and I fill out all of my reimbursement forms as soon as possible to get my money back!  My companion, well she just doesn’t understand money management.  She never worked or had any sort of responsibility with money before she left on her mission, so it is a bit of a struggle for her.  She will spend $6 on ice cream and then not have money the next day for a bus fare.  But, I’m trying to help her, and she is learning about how to manage funds. 

A new mission rule is to carrying a Book of Mormon in your hands at all times...it's one grimey sweaty little blue book.

My companions version of exercising.

 October 28, 2014

         My body is so stinking tired all the time! My knees, back, and feet just HURT!  Besides the pain, today was a great day!  We had a good district meeting (Elder Mountain always comes really prepared to teach.)  I got to know Elder Barlow who is our new zone leader.  We miss Elder Morcies a whole lot.  Elder Barlow is very nice, but also very quiet and stiff.  I am sure he will grow on us.  Afterwards we went with the zone leaders to pick our ZONE T- shirts! 

Giant moth

         I ‘ve been striving to follow the Spirit in order to find new people to teach – and today I got the strong impression to talk to a cute family that was walking down the street.  Well, it turns out that they are legally married for 7 years; they don’t have a particular religion or a religious background, they love each other, and they are receptive.  The only challenge is that the man works 6 days a week straight, and then he has 2 days off, so we will have to make our first follow up visit next week.  But they are interested!

         We also had a good experience teaching F., who is a sweet lady who makes sweets for a living.  I found her last week during divisions and she is so nice.  She is actually looking for a church, but has been turned off by the ways that pastors have lied to her.  I understand where she is coming from because we have seen many things here that would make your jaw drop.  Thing people throwing money on the ground, scanning credit cards to enter the church, etc.…anyways she has a lot of potential and we are excited to work with her and her family.

The Santa Cruz Seminary Class - sharp kids!

October 29, 2014

         Today was HOT.  We marked to visit some less active members with two women from the church who are visiting teaching companions.  They are so cute and nice, and we had a wonderful time working with them. It warms my heart to see two older ladies in skirts and sandals with Liahonas and cute handouts to give to their sisters.  I learned a lot about the importance of listening and sympathizing with people you teach.  One lady we visited did nothing but complained for about an hour solid.  Life for her is hard.  I decided that I need to develop a lot more charity in order to be a good visiting teacher.

Lunch with a great young family in our ward!

This is our young ward mission leader who is also a recent convert and is preparing for his own mission.

 October 30, 2014

         The odd compliment from the scriptures: “Fear not therefore, ye are of more value than many sparrows.”

         Today was a good day, filled with good sit-down lessons where you really feel like your are helping people. We taught S. who recently had a stroke and has been battling with frustration and depression because of her physical limitations.  Her dog died last night and today she was just sitting on her front porch crying.  It was pretty sad, but it was also a neat experience because we hadn’t plan on visiting her but felt that we should stop by. We shared a message and at the end she said that we were the answers to her prayers.

         It is really heating up here in Rio.  Right now it is 82.4 degrees in the house and it is 10:25.  We decided that the heat was dragging us down so we made a companionship goal to use our allotted hour for dinner to rest from the heat.  Most missionaries power through this hour and just kill themselves walking and starving. So we decided to some home around 4-5 when everyone else is not answering doors.  We take a shower, eat something, and sit and rest with the fan blowing on us.  We did that today, and it made a lot of difference in our energy level for the evening.  We were happier, healthier, and felt the Spirit much more.  We worked hard today and had really good results but my body isn’t aching like it usually does.   

 October 31, 2014

         Today was another hot one…I am praying so hard, pleading really, that my body will hold out another 6 1/2 weeks, because these conditions are rough.  But, on the bright side, I am grateful for the small blessings: like a functioning shower and toilet, good shoes, and deodorant. You learn a lot about gratitude when you have to look beyond a rough situation.

         We had a day full of people making excuses about why they can’t come to church or why they break the commandments.  It was a long day and Sister V lost her patience a few times.  But for whatever reason, I remained calm and helped us respectfully and carefully walk away from some hard situations.  There are many people that will never hear what you have to say because they are so hard-hearted.  But on the upside, we were able to teach L. and F. today.  They both are slowing progressing and I am learning and developing a lot more patience here.

         Side Note: I am having a very hard time with the heat, especially thinking and speaking in Portuguese.  I am really quite fluent now, but lately I have been struggling a LOT to express myself, which is frustrating for me.  It has gone from “Oh, are you from Southern Brazil?” to, “um, what is she saying?”  Very frustrating.

         Other side note: I still don’t know what our purpose is here in Santa Cruz.  I really don’t know if I am making a positive difference in anyone’s life.

Sister V., trying to stay dry

November 1, 2014

         We miraculously found our investigator’s house on our own.  The only problem was that his wife was home and she was very reluctant to let us in.  At first she was very cold and closed off, but we just started talking to her and asking her questions.  Before you knew it, she was smiling and asking us questions.  She confessed that her friends had told her that we are a cult, and that we didn’t believe in the bible, etc.…!  We were able to make friends with her and clear up her concerns.  She accepted our challenge to pray about Joseph Smith and she gave us her phone number to make further appointments with her.  Towards the ends of our discussion with her, her husband showed up quite drunk…hum.

November 2, 2014

         UGHHHHH!!!!! I just feel like I am not even making a difference in this area, and I am feeling extremely unmotivated.  My companion doesn’t help too much on the motivation side of things.  I am feeling myself losing steam, and I just don’t feel like my regular goal-oriented self.  Once again, no one came to church, and once again not one of our investigators is progressing.  We taught 24 lessons this week and not a single person we visited came to church.  It is discouraging.  But, I know that our time is not the same as the Lord’s time and He put us here for a reason.  I really don’t know what that reason is.  I just hope and pray that I am helping someone through this arduous mission of mine.